13 Aug 2005

too far away from zen to know


my good friend calvin blogged about patience, how we seem to be more patient with friends than we are with good friends and family. i think that is really true. i know that my tolerance level with strangers is much higher than with my friends. but the reason is because:

1. i'm too shy to make my feelings known to a stranger on the street, or what not.
2. you have higher expectations of your friends/family.
3. why should you waste time and energy on someone who you don't really care about?

the last 3-4 weeks have been pretty tough on me, and i've lost patience more than once. and i'm partly to blame. i've been both stressed out by work and by personal events. many of the issues are still not resolved, and maybe they never will. things is, friends are pretty fickle. sometimes people who you assume are your friends turn out to be .. emm ... yet, sometimes when you least expect it, some people turn out to actually care about you.

i've calmed down a bit from last week's events. possibly because i've realised why some things have happened in a way that i cannot save. and the only way to vent my frustration is to go on a ranting spree. i'm quite disappointed at how i handled things. i may have been able to handle things more tactfully, but what is done is done. there's no going back. this is probably the first time since i graduated from primary school where i've actually had to resort to this sort of behaviour to get my point across.

previously, i've had friends who were strong minded and wouldn't budge with their distorted view of reality, but at least those friends knew they had an unconventional view of reality, and understood that there is humour about it. when someone is strong minded and not able to find any humour in the situation, then its pretty dire. if they are not able to let go of things and figure out that they make people extremely uncomfortable, then there is no point trying to rescue the situation. if they never realise the amount of hurt they cause people by their disappointingly petty behaviour, then how is patience supposed to win over the ridiculous?

for those who know me from aust, this reminds me of the lap churng photoshop incident way back in high school. the situation was quite different, but the commonality is that they both couldn't laugh it off, couldn't find humour in the situation and chill out.


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